Ready for review: Broken Love, with lyrics from "The Angel" by William Blake

[jappe]

Broken Love, ready for review.

I dropped this even though I know there are some occurrences of a specific flaw; I'll leave it for you to find:-)

Other than that, I'm sure there's plenty more that can be improved, and I'd love to see your suggestions!

http://phead.mu/s/ykAfOFMl

The lyrics are a subset from Broken Love by William Blake - in a different order than the original poem,

My Spectre around me night and day
Like a wild beast guards my way;
My Emanation far within
Weeps incessantly for my sin.
 
He scents thy footsteps in the snow
Wheresoever thou dost go,       
Thro’ the wintry hail and rain.
When wilt thou return again?
 
Dost thou not in pride and scorn
Fill with tempests all my morn,
And with jealousies and fears       
Fill my pleasant nights with tears?
 
‘Seven of my sweet loves thy knife
Has bereavèd of their life.
Their marble tombs I built with tears,
And with cold and shuddering fears.

A fathomless and boundless deep, 
There we wander, there we weep; 
On the hungry craving wind 
My Spectre follows thee behind.


He scents thy footsteps in the snow
Wheresoever thou dost go,       
Thro’ the wintry hail and rain.
When wilt thou return again?

Never, never, I return: 
Still for victory I burn. 
Living, thee alone I’ll have; 
And when dead I’ll be thy grave

Never, never, I return: 
Still for victory I burn. 
Living, thee alone I’ll have; 
And when dead I’ll be thy grave

[Last Alternative]

Do you have another link? It won't play for me. Just keeps trying to load. OK it's working now. I'll review as I listen:
Very pretty piano intro. Great emotion. I feel like I've heard this before. The vocals sound unnatural with the vibrato on the tuner. Nice synth and ambiance. I think the vocal delay needs a little less volume or to be eq'd so it doesn't cover what you're saying. I like that arp thing- it really picks up the energy. At the change with the lead synth I really think for such a long song that THAT is the moment drums should come in. It's a shame.
OK piano is really picking up now. Ah... there's the beat. Your standard 4 on the floor kick but with the overall electronic sound this works for a simple beat. But... where's the snare?! By now there should be snare and a disco hihat. Then it kind of settles down again when the song should really be picking up by now, 5.5 minutes in and all. I think there are too many breaks. I'm getting a Meatloaf vibe here LOL.
The vocal fx are growing on me but I still think you should subdue the delay. And raise the vocal volume overall. OK @ 7:25 and we're nearing the end of this LONG song. I mean come on! You only have a kick around the middle. Where's the grand finale of drums to hype up the listener and make them want to come back for more?!?

There's my review. I find it's more helpful that way and I like to do that when I have time. I know not every song needs drums and grand finales but if you're gonna start to do a beat you really should consider going all in.

[jappe]

Do you have another link? It won't play for me. Just keeps trying to load.

Hello, thank's for trying:-)

Hmm...now its hanging while loading for me too. But it worked just minutes ago.
Perhaps some server problem? Will check out.

EDIT:  I just refreshed the browser a couple times, and then it loaded.

[Last Alternative]

^ See my above comments ^
Guess I spoke too soon.

[jappe]

@Last Alternative:
Wow, that was an express review!
Thank's a lot, I shall see if I can improve it after your advise!
http://www.reasontalk.com/post/1st-part ... cs-7339194
I tried to follow your previous advise about the effects masking lyrics - separated the vocal effects to parallell channels and high pass filtered them. 
I will listen it through in headphones and other monitors tomorrow to see what I can change there.

Again, thank's for your great feedback:-)