Another n00b song . . .

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Phil513
Posts: 14
Joined: 17 Jan 2015

Post 02 Mar 2015

Hello all.  I'm not real good at this yet, not near the caliber of all you other folks, but what the heck.  Everyone I played this for so far has hated it. :frown:   But I'm having fun at least.  I am open to constructive criticism though.  I'm almost 50, so be gentle on an old fart. lol.  I'm a bit scared to post, but oh well.  Here goes.


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jappe
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Posts: 2307
Joined: 19 Jan 2015

Post 18 Mar 2015

This is not bad at all, sounds great in my headphones! A little bit kraut-rockish!?
Did you by any chance ask your kids to review it?
My kids have a very narrow span of genres they accept, and the slightest deviation -->crap music. Approximately none of my tunes passes their genre acceptance test  Spoiled youth:-D

Just keep on doing your music, there is an audience for almost every kind out there...somewhere...


Phil513
Posts: 14
Joined: 17 Jan 2015

Post 18 Mar 2015

Thanks!  I do like the whole Rammstein thing, so yeah, that had a bit to do with it. lol.

My kids thought it was just OK.  Mostly its my friends and such on guitar oriented websites that gave it a pass.  They are pretty much adverse to anything "synth-y" sneaking it's way into their music.

I know I have a ways to go before making anything quality, but in the meantime I'm having fun.

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jappe
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Posts: 2307
Joined: 19 Jan 2015

Post 18 Mar 2015

Phil513 wrote: I know I have a ways to go before making anything quality, but in the meantime I'm having fun.
That's exactly how it should be! I have a relaxed attitude to my music too, happy as long as I enjoy making the music and learn more along the way.

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Benedict
Posts: 2747
Joined: 16 Jan 2015
Location: Gold Coast, Australia

Post 18 Mar 2015

Get new friends.

I far prefer this to most commercially released crud as it has this little thing called melody and some audacity too. That and it comes off a bit 80's as that decade loved both of the above.

If were to criticize on a production level then I would say it needs a focus point. Generally this would be a vocal. If you don't have one of those then get an instrument or two into that role. I wonder at the synth bells at the end as I don't see their purpose in the story. Otherwise an enjoyable piece that is basically well balanced - overall a tad "mushy" so maybe pull back the reverb amount or length.

Keep at it and ignore people who can only hate what they can't understand.

:)
Benedict Roff-Marsh
Completely burned and gone

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JNeffLind
Posts: 977
Joined: 16 Jan 2015
Location: So. Illinois, USA

Post 18 Mar 2015

Benedict wrote: If were to criticize on a production level then I would say it needs a focus point. Generally this would be a vocal. If you don't have one of those then get an instrument or two into that role.
\

This is my thought as well. I like this, but it almost sounds like a medley of multiple songs instrumental tracks that just keep seguing into the next part. Think about a specific melodic theme or two and set up a bit of a "call and response" between them in separate sections, like verses and chorus, etc. Something like that that will give this song a structure other than "the wonderful journey through musical land."

I think you're on the right track and this is nothing to laugh at. Just needs a bit of fine tuning. 

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Last Alternative
Posts: 1210
Joined: 20 Jan 2015
Location: the lost desert

Post 19 Mar 2015

I'm waiting for Ramstein or Marylin Manson to start singing. It's good man. Panned very well, many great changes and instruments. Your friends suck or like shitty music. It's a fun little rocker. Could use a little separation from kick & bass but the rest is clear.

Vocals would be nice.
https://lastalternative.bandcamp.com
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Digitus
Posts: 96
Joined: 16 Jan 2015

Post 19 Mar 2015

That was rather enjoyable so I would ignore the haters. Sure the mix could be a bit stronger, but the overall idea is there and it works. 

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