Sincere apology to all

[Theo.M]

Hello fellow musicians.
This apology has been a (very) long time coming.
Over the past couple weeks, I have sent personal apologies to everybody that should get one, including reason studios and a couple devs.
Unfortunately, I have been unable to send one to U-HE, to whom I really, *really* owe an apology (we were actually friends before I decided to act like an ass - he had even kindly given me Zebra for FREE as a surprise gift many years back, top bloke), as every time I try the submit form on his website it fails at the submit portion. Hopefully he will read here or I'll try again later.

So, this is WAY overdue.
I'll try not keep it toooo long Hehe.

A few years ago I behaved like an entitled brat online. I had inexcusable behaviour.
I am going to be blunt - I was on a shitload of hard core meds, and although it's not an excuse, I do know for a fact that it had something to do with my actions. I would go from extreme highs to lows in a matter of minutes, anger, desperation, sadness, then elation and so on. Plus I was and am in 24/7 pain. It took me a very long time to wean off them, but I did it, and now I just put up with the pain and take non narcotic muscle relaxant and ibuprofen or paracetamol. It is what it is. C'est la vie.

I haven't made music for 4 full years now. In 2020 I moved to Windows, I was more or less bed ridden and wanted to at least be able to play the latest games with a controller in bed, so, I did that.
I still have all my audio gear though, both soft and hardware, besides the iMac Pro which I sold in 2020 (M2 ultra on the way, definitely going back to Mac just for the music side of things. Although legacy plugin compatibility and old apps like Virus TI still work on Win 11 today, after working back to back with PT in both Win and MacOS, I just felt so much more comfy in MacOS, not to mention that my 6 UAD thunderbolt 2 devices work perfectly, as I tested them on a base Mac studio, and they do not work at all on a thunderbolt 4 PC).

I started getting back into music composition and mixing a few weeks back.

It pretty much feels like a fresh start to me, although I am not "well" physically speaking, I am better and capable of enjoying my music again.
So because of that fresh start, although some may disagree, I feel so ashamed with some of my past actions that I felt I HAD to tell you all I am sorry.
The reason I am posting here as one of the apology destinations is because a lot of this happened at the props forums, and I am sure a lot of you remember it, not to mention directly with props support and even Ernst himself. The creator of this forum originally didn't even want me here, but the legendary Selig at least helped make that happen, so thanks to Selig and the owner of this forum for kindly giving me a chance.

I am just SO profusely sorry for the way I sometimes behaved. It was disgusting and rude.

I am a completely different person these days. I am now 51yo and I looked back and realised that I was a low 40's man that was behaving worse than a spoiled child. Much worse.
I have it under control, the way I reply and interact with people.... to the point I can actually guarantee that that ugly guy will never surface again.

I was actually banned from KVR many years back (I deserved it) and do miss it, and would love to apologise to some there, especially to bluedad, although thankfully at Gearspace I only have one infraction over a period of a decade, so hopefully that shows that I have improved.

Again, I am truly sorry for my disgraceful behaviour and can only hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Some of the stuff I used to talk about had technical merit, but it was the outrageous way I went about it.

I still can't believe some of the stuff I said, it's like I was in the twilight zone. No one is ever going to get along with everyone online, and there WILL be people, always,. at some point, who love looking for trouble. Now I just politely mute them. And I have vowed to never be one of those people myself, as I myself started it a lot of the time, with rude, condescending remarks about the work of wonderful coders who put their sweat blood and tears, not to mention love, into their products. Never again.''

The TLDR; version is that everything in my heart that I have to give, I give a most sincere apology with it.

Anyway, it's time to move on to greener pastures and be a part of the community again, and I hope you are all having a fab 2024, I hope none of you were too affected by the horrible 2020-2022 period, and I look forward to engaging in conversation again.

Peace
T

[Murf]

Well done sir, though you never said anything bad to me, I think being able to admit your faults in a public forum is admirable.

[Loque]

Kudos.

[Neo]

pentance indeed. Kudos.

[Heater]

It’s not easy being a human being. We all fail. Good luck.

[dvdrtldg]

Hey mate

Yes I remember you from the old Props forum! You were... exhausting

But I also remember you as someone who had a ton of valuable knowledge, and a lot of it was very helpful to me in my early days of digital music production. So, thanks for that

You always seemed to me like a basically nice person with some "issues", which I guess is most people. No biggie. Good to see you back, good to hear you're making music again and I hope all goes OK with the pain management

[selig]

Dude, glad you made it back from whatever trip you were on, seems like you’ve made lots of major changes recently. I sincerely hope folks here will give you the benefit of the doubt. I always felt you had decent intentions and were easy to talk to, so I welcome you back with open arms.

[mimidancer]

Your sincerity is evident. I remember around that time many users were upset. I do not remember your post specifically. And to be honest it does not matter. All of us have had bad moments. Congratulations you are human. I hope today finds you well. I hope you are making music you like. I look forward to your post and your music. Be well, human.

[dvdrtldg]

I also just wanted to add that I still consider myself a total dork when it comes to music production, so I'm looking forward to more of your insight

[NMHindman]

It's an incredible, brave, and rare achievement to look in the mirror, be honest with who we see, and then to act on that. Hats off friend...

[Theo.M]

Dude, glad you made it back from whatever trip you were on, seems like you’ve made lots of major changes recently. I sincerely hope folks here will give you the benefit of the doubt. I always felt you had decent intentions and were easy to talk to, so I welcome you back with open arms.

Thanks so much.
It's taken years hence why I came back only when I was ready, not before. I didn't want any chance of "relapse" and had to be 100% sure my shit was ironed out.
Gary (bluedad) from KVR actually wrote it in a post one day, that "Theo has changed drastically on these meds, his behaviour". I should have listened then, a decade back.
Anyway....
I am glad to be back too and I am glad to see you Selig, you were always the kindest person I ever dealt with.

Taking 4 years off of music completely was certainly a change but so glad to be back and making it again as that's one of life's true pleasures for me and I presume for all of us here.
Reason 12 has stunned me with how good it is, all performance issues ironed out, the players are amazing and I can only imagine how incredible they would be when travelling on a long flight or something with no keyboard access.. and what amazes me the most is that RE's are ALL compatible with Apple silicon. Every single one. This is why I fought so hard back in the day to make them the best they could be, because the concept was and IS brilliant. Just the way I went about it

If I could get this delay comp issue sorted I could see myself using Reason a lot, on the sub model.

[fullforce]

Reason 12 has stunned me with how good it is,

Yeah, but that splash screen though.

[Heigen5]

Welcome back bro, hope you enjoy your journey.

[chimp_spanner]

I don't even know what happened but it sounds like you've been through some stuff man, and nobody is at their best when contending with any kind of illness. Physical or mental or whatever. So welcome back, and really happy to hear you've found music again. Look forward to your contributions around here!