lexophilia

[littlejam]

hello,

organizing files on the computer
found this little didder saved for using as a lesson plan for English class

LEXOPHILIA . . .

"Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish",
"To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

This year's submissions:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.


these get me rolling everytime
i am not that good at creating them

when i was teaching high school English
each day, each student would have to write a quick wit poem / haiku (for extra credit)

'they say money can't buy happiness
but i'd rather be seen crying driving a ferrari'

'if you find yourself at the end of a cliff
don't think just jump'

it was a real conversation piece
even other teachers and the principal sat in on the discussion

chef john on the youtube has a very goodgood sense of humor while cooking
and drops puns all the time

cheers and eat well,

j

[plaamook]

My current epitaph...
No more mister nice guy

[PhillipOrdonez]

Some of them were real funny. Jamaican me laugh

[motuscott]

frigate

[EdwardKiy]

wokabulary

[Timmy Crowne]

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines.

[littlejam]

hello,

so far so goodgood

i'm still trying to get a funny one

however, i did find this youtube joke
i've heard different versions of it,
but this one is still funny

what is really funny is reading through the comments
where people type their own funniest jokes

cheers and eat well,

j

[rorystorm]

My favourite is the cattle thief who wore paper clothes. He was wanted for rustling.

[rorystorm]

Yukgvkmvb

[rorystorm]

Although the difference between a hippo and a zippo is also good - one is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

[EdGrip]

Tim Vine's festival winner is a favourite of mine:

"I decided to sell my Hoover. It was just collecting dust."