Toilet Paper Stories

[Boombastix]

I guess by now we all have some stories.

I missed when the TP horders emptied every store. Figured it will sort itself out pretty soon anyhow once deliveries show up again. I was wrong. Somehow, only a few stores gets TP back in stock, some around 8am, just to be immediately sold out.

So, down to my last roll, and I was on a mission to find some. 4 stores, no luck. Mission failed. Went to pickup a pizza at a local pizza place. Only to-go or delivery now, no seating allowed. Told my story and the guy went back and dug out two rolls - free of charge Mission complete… for now.

I still need to wrap my head around why some horders are sitting on a TP stock that may last till Christmas...

[motuscott]

Reason 11 suite going for thirteen TP rolls here in the shire where I haz taken refuge

[Reasonable man]

Reason 11 suite going for thirteen TP rolls here in the shire where I haz taken refuge

You dirve a hard bargin.
3 rolls and throw your computer in for free........my final offer

[joeyluck]

All jokes aside, if you need some, you can get free rolls sent directly to you, wherever you are, from here: www.tp-united.com

[xboix]

Went to the eerily quiet local Tesco at 6.30am this morning and they had loads of the stuff and I didn't even have to wrestle it off a little old lady.

(Joey, you just made me laugh out loud m8)

[Jackjackdaw]

Buy in bulk - https://uk.whogivesacrap.org/

edit: I just noticed they are sold out as well!

[plaamook]

If you need to conserve TP you could move over to the water jug. Your ass will be cleaner and with all the hand washing people are meant to do...

[Jackjackdaw]

If you need to conserve TP you could move over to the water jug. Your ass will be cleaner and with all the hand washing people are meant to do...

Im not opposed to the concept but Im shady on the details. As I understand it you scoop some water out of the jug and clean your arse with it. But then if you need another scoop of water then your going to get a load of crap in the water jug right? So you need to clean out the jug every time? and then what of spillage? A second or third scooped jug splashing about would be no good!

[4filegate]

... we could already be surprised in 1960 to find that the newspapers' offer was aimed at readers in the toilets.

[Loque]

I just saw a car full of toilette paper and was wondering how often this guy needs to sh1t in his car.

Or maybe he want to become the next billionare with reselling toilette paper. And just like a good drug dealer he could stretch it, and make out of 4-layer toilette paper a 1-layer toilette paper or to get another step beyond, he also can sell it as 2-sided-toilette-paper.

You ever thought of a 2nd hand market of toilette paper? Or 2nd A55 market?

[plaamook]

If you need to conserve TP you could move over to the water jug. Your ass will be cleaner and with all the hand washing people are meant to do...

Im not opposed to the concept but Im shady on the details. As I understand it you scoop some water out of the jug and clean your arse with it. But then if you need another scoop of water then your going to get a load of crap in the water jug right? So you need to clean out the jug every time? and then what of spillage? A second or third scooped jug splashing about would be no good!

You get a jug of water, you pour it down your lower back/top of your ass crack. use some TP to dry yourself only.
Walk off feeling fresh as a summer's eve advert...

Edit: Oh, and wash your hands...

[Jackjackdaw]

I see! That sounds alright.

[joeyluck]

I've been using the three sea shells. Works pretty well.

[motuscott]

Those poor sea mollusks

[plaamook]

Not as bad as the bunnies...

[MrFigg]

When I bought my house people laughed at my eggshell blue bidet. Who’s laughing now?

[motuscott]

Certainly not your overworked bidet

[MrFigg]

Certainly not your overworked bidet

At least it doesn’t have to worry about where it’s next meal is coming from.

[Loque]

dog.gif (202.39 KiB) Viewed 1257 times

[MrFigg]

You can also use all those socks you find after doing a washing which don’t have a partner.

[OldGoat]

My favorites, multiple sources confirm that this has actually happened, but the first hit in google is from a shitty newspaper...

"Crazy attack in Cologne supermarket Because of toilet paper: 69-year-old knocks down security guard"

"Cologne: Black dealer sells roll for ten euros"

https://translate.google.de/translate?u ... r-36470450

[plaamook]

Friend of mine organised a failed antiques/art fair in london that closed after only few days just at corona start. Security stopped a woman who went in and cleaned out all the public toilets for their tp. Whole big bag full.

[motuscott]

Humans
Let's not even go there.