giving up alcohol

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MrFigg
Posts: 1929
Joined: 20 Apr 2018

Post 15 May 2019

mashers wrote:
15 May 2019
sleep1979 wrote:
14 May 2019
Aint going out with the party girl gonna go for a coffe with a quiet girl on sunday, gonna try harder, lol updating my love life in a music forum 😂 i need a life
Good man. Honestly, no decisions should be made on the basis of emotion. Feel the emotions, sure, but make the decision on a rational basis. Rationalise everything, and if it doesn't make sense, don't do it.
I’d probably substitute the word “emotion” for “impulse” in that sentence. There’s lots of things done on gut feeling which work out (or don’t). But as you say, rational thinking can save you a lot of trouble.
Both “Does it make sense?” and “Does it feel right?”

mashers
Posts: 367
Joined: 05 Nov 2018

Post 15 May 2019

MrFigg wrote:
15 May 2019
I’d probably substitute the word “emotion” for “impulse” in that sentence. There’s lots of things done on gut feeling which work out (or don’t). But as you say, rational thinking can save you a lot of trouble.
Oh sure, decisions made on the basis of emotion can work out well, but I would wager that's either by chance, or because the decision was made by somebody who knows themselves so well that they have learned which emotions to trust in a particular situation. For many, decisions made on the basis of emotion (or impulse or gut feeling) don't work out well at all. This has certainly been my experience, and that of lots of people I know. Jobs, relationships, purchases, homes, moving... all things which I and others have done on the basis of emotion, and have not necessarily worked out. As soon as I stopped acting on impulse, stopped making decisions based on how I felt, and started rationalising and only doing what made sense, my quality of life improved and I have never been happier. That's why I advocate for reason and rationality at all times, in all situations.

ETA - I realise that makes me sound a bit cold and unemotional. I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination. I just don't make decisions on the basis of those emotions.
:reason: Singer/songwriter exclusively using Reason 10 to write darkwave electro songs
:lightbulb: Latest songs: Space Invaders | Inklings | Hungry Animals | Terrorbytes
:post: More songs on my YouTube channel

MrFigg
Posts: 1929
Joined: 20 Apr 2018

Post 15 May 2019

mashers wrote:
15 May 2019
MrFigg wrote:
15 May 2019
I’d probably substitute the word “emotion” for “impulse” in that sentence. There’s lots of things done on gut feeling which work out (or don’t). But as you say, rational thinking can save you a lot of trouble.
Oh sure, decisions made on the basis of emotion can work out well, but I would wager that's either by chance, or because the decision was made by somebody who knows themselves so well that they have learned which emotions to trust in a particular situation. For many, decisions made on the basis of emotion (or impulse or gut feeling) don't work out well at all. This has certainly been my experience, and that of lots of people I know. Jobs, relationships, purchases, homes, moving... all things which I and others have done on the basis of emotion, and have not necessarily worked out. As soon as I stopped acting on impulse, stopped making decisions based on how I felt, and started rationalising and only doing what made sense, my quality of life improved and I have never been happier. That's why I advocate for reason and rationality at all times, in all situations.

ETA - I realise that makes me sound a bit cold and unemotional. I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination. I just don't make decisions on the basis of those emotions.
Absolutely...I agree with you. But going on only "what makes sense" can make you scared to try new things. Sometimes it's good to take a chance on what "feels right".
I left a secure job, house, friends etc to move to a country where I couldn't speak the language and didn't know if I would find a job. Rational thinking told me...stay where you are, you have security and a good life. At the time though it just "felt right." Even though I was scared out of my wits at what might happen I did it anyway and now I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. Of course, as you also said, it can all go to hell...but what if it doesn't? I can see that you're not cold by the other stuff you've written and you appear to have your head totally screwed on. All I'm saying is that, I personally, don't think you need to limit yourself to one or the other...

mashers
Posts: 367
Joined: 05 Nov 2018

Post 15 May 2019

MrFigg wrote:
15 May 2019
Absolutely...I agree with you. But going on only "what makes sense" can make you scared to try new things. Sometimes it's good to take a chance on what "feels right".
I left a secure job, house, friends etc to move to a country where I couldn't speak the language and didn't know if I would find a job. Rational thinking told me...stay where you are, you have security and a good life. At the time though it just "felt right." Even though I was scared out of my wits at what might happen I did it anyway and now I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. Of course, as you also said, it can all go to hell...but what if it doesn't? I can see that you're not cold by the other stuff you've written and you appear to have your head totally screwed on. All I'm saying is that, I personally, don't think you need to limit yourself to one or the other...
Interesting ideas. There have definitely been times in my life where I've taken chances which were irrational, but ended up improving my life, and now I look back and the thought of not having done those things makes me feel sick. So maybe I'm being too black and white about it. It's food for thought. Thanks ;)
:reason: Singer/songwriter exclusively using Reason 10 to write darkwave electro songs
:lightbulb: Latest songs: Space Invaders | Inklings | Hungry Animals | Terrorbytes
:post: More songs on my YouTube channel

MrFigg
Posts: 1929
Joined: 20 Apr 2018

Post 15 May 2019

mashers wrote:
15 May 2019


Interesting ideas. There have definitely been times in my life where I've taken chances which were irrational, but ended up improving my life, and now I look back and the thought of not having done those things makes me feel sick. So maybe I'm being too black and white about it. It's food for thought. Thanks ;)
Ha ha...thanks yourself man :). I reckon it was stuff you already knew anyway.
Now to what address should I send the invoice for the therapy session? :)

sleep1979
Posts: 668
Joined: 20 Jul 2017

Post 15 May 2019

mashers wrote:
15 May 2019
sleep1979 wrote:
14 May 2019
Aint going out with the party girl gonna go for a coffe with a quiet girl on sunday, gonna try harder, lol updating my love life in a music forum 😂 i need a life
Good man. Honestly, no decisions should be made on the basis of emotion. Feel the emotions, sure, but make the decision on a rational basis. Rationalise everything, and if it doesn't make sense, don't do it.
True This is alcohol related aswell , i had a gf for 4 years we met at a bar had a drink , then nearly every time we met we had a drink , and without one we barely spoke , yes coffee dates are more reserved and normal , but then thats how us humans are , only non alcohol dates for me now guys , trying to get my vocal chops back up tis week thanks for yoir help guys ,ps where is may madness ?b

mashers
Posts: 367
Joined: 05 Nov 2018

Post 15 May 2019

MrFigg wrote:
15 May 2019
Ha ha...thanks yourself man :). I reckon it was stuff you already knew anyway.
Now to what address should I send the invoice for the therapy session? :)
I dunno, I think I’m pretty black and white in my thinking and sometimes I need to be reminded that there are other ways of looking at things. I try to be objective, but sometimes when a particular mindset works so well, it’s easy to forget that there are other ways too. Oh, the cheque’s in the post :p
sleep1979 wrote:
15 May 2019
True This is alcohol related aswell , i had a gf for 4 years we met at a bar had a drink , then nearly every time we met we had a drink , and without one we barely spoke , yes coffee dates are more reserved and normal , but then thats how us humans are , only non alcohol dates for me now guys , trying to get my vocal chops back up tis week thanks for yoir help guys ,ps where is may madness ?b
If you don’t have anything to talk about and have to get drunk to get the conversation started, then there’s something wrong with the relationship. Perhaps you didn’t have as much in common with her as you initially thought. This can be a problem when you’re going into an interaction in the mindset of it being a “date” in the romantic sense. I like dudes but the principle is the same. I see lot of different people, and have absolutely no expectation. Sometimes you don’t click at all, sometimes you do and it leads to sex, sometimes there’s a friendship there, sometimes it feels like there could be more. And what I’ve noticed through all of these interactions is that the ones which lead to more than something casual are the ones where we actually have something in common. Shared interests, values, morals, aspirations, whatever it is, you have to have something in common. Perhaps it’s easier as a homosexual because we’re more likely to have things in common than a man and a woman. But I would suggest that joining local groups focused on your interests is much more likely to lead at least to friendship, and if more does develop from one or more of those friendships then it’s more likely to be enduring and mutually rewarding than two people who fancy each other but don’t really have anything in common. Sooner or later the initial buzz of a new relationship goes, and if you don’t have anything in common then there’s nothing left.
:reason: Singer/songwriter exclusively using Reason 10 to write darkwave electro songs
:lightbulb: Latest songs: Space Invaders | Inklings | Hungry Animals | Terrorbytes
:post: More songs on my YouTube channel

sleep1979
Posts: 668
Joined: 20 Jul 2017

Post 15 May 2019

mashers wrote:
15 May 2019
MrFigg wrote:
15 May 2019
Ha ha...thanks yourself man :). I reckon it was stuff you already knew anyway.
Now to what address should I send the invoice for the therapy session? :)
I dunno, I think I’m pretty black and white in my thinking and sometimes I need to be reminded that there are other ways of looking at things. I try to be objective, but sometimes when a particular mindset works so well, it’s easy to forget that there are other ways too. Oh, the cheque’s in the post :p
sleep1979 wrote:
15 May 2019
True This is alcohol related aswell , i had a gf for 4 years we met at a bar had a drink , then nearly every time we met we had a drink , and without one we barely spoke , yes coffee dates are more reserved and normal , but then thats how us humans are , only non alcohol dates for me now guys , trying to get my vocal chops back up tis week thanks for yoir help guys ,ps where is may madness ?b
If you don’t have anything to talk about and have to get drunk to get the conversation started, then there’s something wrong with the relationship. Perhaps you didn’t have as much in common with her as you initially thought. This can be a problem when you’re going into an interaction in the mindset of it being a “date” in the romantic sense. I like dudes but the principle is the same. I see lot of different people, and have absolutely no expectation. Sometimes you don’t click at all, sometimes you do and it leads to sex, sometimes there’s a friendship there, sometimes it feels like there could be more. And what I’ve noticed through all of these interactions is that the ones which lead to more than something casual are the ones where we actually have something in common. Shared interests, values, morals, aspirations, whatever it is, you have to have something in common. Perhaps it’s easier as a homosexual because we’re more likely to have things in common than a man and a woman. But I would suggest that joining local groups focused on your interests is much more likely to lead at least to friendship, and if more does develop from one or more of those friendships then it’s more likely to be enduring and mutually rewarding than two people who fancy each other but don’t really have anything in common. Sooner or later the initial buzz of a new relationship goes, and if you don’t have anything in common then there’s nothing left.
to be honest we did have things in common , we were both cockneys from south London and cockneys have a lot of banter
( ie making fun of each other or yourself in a joking way ) so we had that, she said she loved the banter I'm funny cute etc all that and we spoke and joked a lot ,

but she said I'm different to all the other guys she has dated ( ie there badboys and I'm nice I'm pretty sure that's what she meant ) so she was thinking if we should go out again or leave it there , then she said lets go for a drink but I'm not promising anything because she said she didn't get that giddy feeling yet , I just said lets leave it there then it was nice, and it ended nice like that last night ,

the differences we have are these , she always will want to get drunk and I've done that before and she will want to spend a lot of money and I don't , and she has lots of friends men and women and goes to party's and I don't ( I have a few )
so yeah on the face of it she's not right for me , but on the park café date I snogged her twice and she's hot if I went out with her she definitely would have kissed me at least , but for a gf definitely not , this woman I'm going for a coffee date on Sunday is more boring less bubbly than the very pretty one
, not as pretty etc ,

but she's way more chill and says nicer things so ive opted not to go out with hot one a, because I don't wanna get drunk and b. there's no future there and c. she wasn't 100% sure she likes charming nice guys anyway haha so yeah that's done man
, I'm staying on the coffee dates , and i think your right masher , id love to meet a musician but that never happens lol

mashers
Posts: 367
Joined: 05 Nov 2018

Post 15 May 2019

Hang in there mate. 18 months ago I lost everything and my dad was pulling me out of the sea (literally). Now I’ve got my own place, love my work, and have found a creative soul mate in someone who understands me more than I ever thought possible. I am very peculiar and if I can do it anyone can ;)
:reason: Singer/songwriter exclusively using Reason 10 to write darkwave electro songs
:lightbulb: Latest songs: Space Invaders | Inklings | Hungry Animals | Terrorbytes
:post: More songs on my YouTube channel

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eusti
Posts: 2328
Joined: 15 Jan 2015

Post 15 May 2019

mashers wrote:
15 May 2019
Hang in there mate. 18 months ago I lost everything and my dad was pulling me out of the sea (literally). Now I’ve got my own place, love my work, and have found a creative soul mate in someone who understands me more than I ever thought possible. I am very peculiar and if I can do it anyone can ;)
Thank you for sharing this! It makes me hopeful about life again! :)

D.

reggie1979
Posts: 209
Joined: 11 Apr 2019

Post 15 May 2019

I can't stop. I need to do blood work (fasting) and get my mind right for my appointments next week (including an MRI, big fun) but I just can't stop.

I'm sorry to sleep that I was so harsh at one time, it's a real bitch. I get it.

sleep1979
Posts: 668
Joined: 20 Jul 2017

Post 16 May 2019

mashers wrote:
15 May 2019
Hang in there mate. 18 months ago I lost everything and my dad was pulling me out of the sea (literally). Now I’ve got my own place, love my work, and have found a creative soul mate in someone who understands me more than I ever thought possible. I am very peculiar and if I can do it anyone can ;)
Yeah man thanks for your positive story and glad you found someone who makes u happy bruv we all need that sometimes , peace and love

mashers
Posts: 367
Joined: 05 Nov 2018

Post 16 May 2019

eusti wrote:
15 May 2019
Thank you for sharing this! It makes me hopeful about life again! :)
sleep1979 wrote:
16 May 2019
Yeah man thanks for your positive story and glad you found someone who makes u happy bruv we all need that sometimes , peace and love
You're welcome guys :)
reggie1979 wrote:
15 May 2019
I can't stop. I need to do blood work (fasting) and get my mind right for my appointments next week (including an MRI, big fun) but I just can't stop.

I'm sorry to sleep that I was so harsh at one time, it's a real bitch. I get it.
Do you know why you feel you can't stop? I think understanding this would be the first step to changing it, and sometimes bouncing ideas around with others can be helpful in the process of coming to an understanding.
:reason: Singer/songwriter exclusively using Reason 10 to write darkwave electro songs
:lightbulb: Latest songs: Space Invaders | Inklings | Hungry Animals | Terrorbytes
:post: More songs on my YouTube channel

sleep1979
Posts: 668
Joined: 20 Jul 2017

Post 16 May 2019

reggie1979 wrote:
15 May 2019
I can't stop. I need to do blood work (fasting) and get my mind right for my appointments next week (including an MRI, big fun) but I just can't stop.

I'm sorry to sleep that I was so harsh at one time, it's a real bitch. I get it.
I didn’t even realise you did bro ,
And i think your like us all , we have to wait for that moment when we feel mentally strong, and sometimes it takes ages , so dont beat yourself up , i fail so many times at shit keeping my weight down is one of them , ive had a few decent girls leave me coz i never 100% sort my life out , but i have my awesome
Two kids , why do we always concentrate on negatives as humans bollox innit ,
You will stop when your ready and if you want too no rush 🙂

reggie1979
Posts: 209
Joined: 11 Apr 2019

Post 16 May 2019

Thanks man, I've got a journey. I need to stop badly, I shake and I look forward to "night time" because that is when I drink.

My insurance doesn't cover "clinics" that might help.

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Zac
Posts: 1302
Joined: 19 May 2016

Post 17 May 2019

reggie1979 wrote:
16 May 2019
Thanks man, I've got a journey. I need to stop badly, I shake and I look forward to "night time" because that is when I drink.

My insurance doesn't cover "clinics" that might help.
If you are serious. Go to an AA meeting. You'll know one way or the other afterwards. And just put a coin in the pot.

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Zac
Posts: 1302
Joined: 19 May 2016

Post 17 May 2019

Zac wrote:
17 May 2019
reggie1979 wrote:
16 May 2019
Thanks man, I've got a journey. I need to stop badly, I shake and I look forward to "night time" because that is when I drink.

My insurance doesn't cover "clinics" that might help.
If you are serious. Go to an AA meeting. You'll know one way or the other afterwards. And just put a coin in the pot.
It's easy to think you'll meet freaks but i promise you, you will meet fellows. People with wisdom who know what it is to be without control of drinking but have found the way to stop and stay without drink for years and years.

My first meeting was a revelation. And I'm not in the slightest bit religious. If it's not for you nothing lost. You don't have to say a word.

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Zac
Posts: 1302
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Post 17 May 2019

One thing i know lies at the heart of my personality is contradiction.

mashers
Posts: 367
Joined: 05 Nov 2018

Post 17 May 2019

Zac wrote:
17 May 2019
One thing i know lies at the heart of my personality is contradiction.
I think that's very common. We are all conflicted about something. I'm only realising now how conflicted I feel about so many things. It seems like we live in a world where people are expected to have views and opinions on things and to know what they think about them—to pick a side. But I've found I've been happier since I've started being more honest about feeling in conflict about particular things, or describing my ambivalence. It's ok not to know.
:reason: Singer/songwriter exclusively using Reason 10 to write darkwave electro songs
:lightbulb: Latest songs: Space Invaders | Inklings | Hungry Animals | Terrorbytes
:post: More songs on my YouTube channel

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Zac
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Joined: 19 May 2016

Post 17 May 2019

mashers wrote:
17 May 2019
Zac wrote:
17 May 2019
One thing i know lies at the heart of my personality is contradiction.
I think that's very common. We are all conflicted about something. I'm only realising now how conflicted I feel about so many things. It seems like we live in a world where people are expected to have views and opinions on things and to know what they think about them—to pick a side. But I've found I've been happier since I've started being more honest about feeling in conflict about particular things, or describing my ambivalence. It's ok not to know.
That's cool man and i appreciate it. But conflicted doesn't describe me or my emotions. I used the word contradictory on purpose. I don't know how to describe it better than that.

mashers
Posts: 367
Joined: 05 Nov 2018

Post 17 May 2019

Zac wrote:
17 May 2019
That's cool man and i appreciate it. But conflicted doesn't describe me or my emotions. I used the word contradictory on purpose. I don't know how to describe it better than that.
Apologies if I misunderstood what you meant. I was referring to emotional and behavioural conflict - thinking, feeling and behaving in ways which are paradoxical. I think that can be described as conflicted or contradictory, so I thought that was what you meant. Apologies for the misunderstanding, it wasn’t my intention to railroad your point.
:reason: Singer/songwriter exclusively using Reason 10 to write darkwave electro songs
:lightbulb: Latest songs: Space Invaders | Inklings | Hungry Animals | Terrorbytes
:post: More songs on my YouTube channel

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Zac
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Post 17 May 2019

mashers wrote:
17 May 2019
Zac wrote:
17 May 2019
That's cool man and i appreciate it. But conflicted doesn't describe me or my emotions. I used the word contradictory on purpose. I don't know how to describe it better than that.
Apologies if I misunderstood what you meant. I was referring to emotional and behavioural conflict - thinking, feeling and behaving in ways which are paradoxical. I think that can be described as conflicted or contradictory, so I thought that was what you meant. Apologies for the misunderstanding, it wasn’t my intention to railroad your point.
That is really cool of you. Thanks for your consideration. I have thought about the terms conflicted and contradictory so much. Really. And I've decided that my personality suits contradictory better. I can't give anyone those hours of thought. Just that i have.

mashers
Posts: 367
Joined: 05 Nov 2018

Post 17 May 2019

Zac wrote:
17 May 2019
That is really cool of you. Thanks for your consideration. I have thought about the terms conflicted and contradictory so much. Really. And I've decided that my personality suits contradictory better. I can't give anyone those hours of thought. Just that i have.
That’s a really nice way of putting it. Quite an inspiring turn of phrase, which I totally understand. You should feel encouraged that you’ve come to an understanding of yourself which is too intricate to explain to others.
:reason: Singer/songwriter exclusively using Reason 10 to write darkwave electro songs
:lightbulb: Latest songs: Space Invaders | Inklings | Hungry Animals | Terrorbytes
:post: More songs on my YouTube channel

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reasonsuser88
Posts: 39
Joined: 29 Apr 2019

Post 17 May 2019

52 days into being dry as a camel's butt hole. Last night I was toying with the idea of maybe buying a fancy bottle of cognac to drink in moderation since my preferred drink is beer, but after further reflection, I think that is the monkey playing a mind game with me. I'm just very confused about whether or not I'm ever going to drink at all some day.

I suppose a helpful question would be what purpose does it serve?

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Zac
Posts: 1302
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Post 17 May 2019

reasonsuser88 wrote:
17 May 2019
52 days into being dry as a camel's butt hole. Last night I was toying with the idea of maybe buying a fancy bottle of cognac to drink in moderation since my preferred drink is beer, but after further reflection, I think that is the monkey playing a mind game with me. I'm just very confused about whether or not I'm ever going to drink at all some day.

I suppose a helpful question would be what purpose does it serve?
52 days is amazeballs. I want to be you. And if you buy any alcohol you know it will never be drank in moderation. Drink is boring, dull as fuck. Hurray for Peter.

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