There once was a man from NantucketJiggeryPokery wrote:That was too complex
I lost count on the fourth line
And now my brain hurts
Who took a pig in a thicket to fuck it...
There once was a man from NantucketJiggeryPokery wrote:That was too complex
I lost count on the fourth line
And now my brain hurts
jappe wrote: Thank's.
You inspired me to try making an English Sonnet.
After battling ABAB for...too long, I decided to stop there.
My world is fading right before my eyes
I witness once again the fall of Rome
My spark is scared of dark and cries then dies
And then the Reaper came to take me home
Would be interesting to practice sonnets. Amusing puzzles.
BTW if you see something gramatically wrong, "too odd" phrasing or something violating all known poetic conventions, excluding Vogonic, please let me know:-)
Hello, third stanza delivery:JNeffLind wrote:
Hey man. You've got your iambic Pentameter and rhyming perfect. Second stanza:
My world is shrinking down to smaller size.
By perch afforded hung from astral dome.
A birds eye view on all that floats and flies.
To spot the jealous gems and crumbling chrome.
By perch afforded meant by benefit of the location at the top of the sky. You're right that perch is a fish. It is also a verb for what a bird does when it lands, and something can be said to "afford" a view of another thing. The phrase is sort of an archaic sounding poeticism like one would find a knight say in a tale of chivalry.jappe wrote:
(BTW what does the phrase "by perch afforded" mean? I'm thinking "someone went out fishing, but got no perch and bought it from the market instead" lol.)
EDIT: ...and the interesting Haiku contribution here inspired me now to google on "Haiku for idiots". Let's see if I can make something haiku like...
Normally we'd have three quatrains and then a couplet. So here's a couplet:jappe wrote:
But countless are the worlds that I can see,
When birds eye range extends with optic mind
I see it now so clear, my eyes are free
My time on earth was sweet, but oh, so blind.
jappe wrote:
But countless are the worlds that I can see,
When birds eye range extends with optic mind
I see it now so clear, my eyes are free
My time on earth was sweet, but oh, so blind.
JNeffLind wrote:
Normally we'd have three quatrains and then a couplet. So here's a couplet:
Asleep I walk towards comfort's quest of night
Though darkness clouds my every drop of light
Team sonnet. :s0801:
Bravo! This thread came alive againCaliforniaBurrito wrote:What Happens Yesterday
Lots of caffeine for thoughts to unfurl
Erotica vibes after too many beers
Balancing humor of being so twirled
Time to get back with pleasing my ears
Three in a row is making me crazy
Passing the torch to those who are lazy
(...ok...I'm done)
Tasty burritott_lab wrote:Void.
Void. Light.
Void...
A good poem, and very nice translation to the English version as well!TheMiles wrote:
The meaning is not exactly the same as I tried to keep it a rhyme. I know its kind a strange but I like it
Thanks a lot for your nice comment! You are right, it should be "Nektarschmaus" rather then "Honigschmaus"...jappe wrote:A good poem, and very nice translation to the English version as well!TheMiles wrote:
The meaning is not exactly the same as I tried to keep it a rhyme. I know its kind a strange but I like it
I'm thinking that it should be "Nektarschmaus" instead of "Honigschmaus" though? Or can the word "schmaus" refer to the nektar ingredient in Honey?
I like how you start with the simple life of the humble bee and create a contrast with the twist at the end.
It leaves me with a special feeling afterwards, and that's how I define a good poem.
It also makes me think of another poem, by William Blake: A Dream: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Dream_(Blake)
...which inspired me to use it as lyrics for a simple cheesy tune with me and a friend singing, neither of us very well though so pitch correction was heavily used:-)
And it is here: https://instaud.io/l8D
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